Alternative to Fixing
I discovered Pema Chodron a few years ago. She’s an American Buddhist nun and author. Quite a combination. In her book, Comfortable with Uncertainty , one of the chapters really struck me. It talks about three strategies we use that, however much we believe they work, really sabotage us:
Attacking
We’ve all been with that colleague who’s typical response to the familiar “how was your weekend” question on Monday morning is, “Why didn’t you get that report done on Friday?” Kind of like the sucker punch your older cousin would give you at family gatherings – doesn’t really do any long-term damage, but it sure hurts in the moment. Ever wonder what that colleague has left unfinished? Think about it.
Indulging
Comfort, is what Chodron points to directly. Comfort with the how many clients you have. Comfort with how sales have gone or how your engineering team only had to delay the project one day. Comfort that tomorrow will be the same as yesterday. The moment you say “I know” or “The economy is having an impact” is the moment you’ve completely embraced your indulgence.
Ignoring
I have a friend who, no matter where we are, stops to pick up trash. My clear and unconscious action is to simply walk by it. What’s the difference? My friend sees that every action he takes has an impact. I ignore trash on the street largely because I feel it won’t make a difference. In those moments I’m ignoring the difference I make. If we take the conversation beyond trash, where else do I ignore making a difference?
An Alternative Strategy – Experience your resistance
There’s a wonderful mechanism that lies toward the base of our brain called the amygdala. Its primary role is the processing and memory of emotional reactions. It’s the part of us that creates 100% of our resistance. You know the resistance to falling, drowning, or being attacked. It’s the part of us that triggers the automatic reaction that tries to fix the perceived danger.
It also creates the resistance to change, to being responsible, to making that sales call, to having that difficult conversation, or to believe you actually make THAT big a difference. And when things don’t go well, it’s the part of us that tries to immediately fix it.
This alternative strategy suggests we don’t fix it – that we simply experience our resistance. Since most of what we do in business isn’t life threatening (contrary to the story your overly-caffeinated amygdala professes), we might actually learn something by experiencing our resistance.
The next time you react to a situation at work, imagine what new questions you might ask if you simply notice the resistance rather than try to appease it. What new behaviors might develop if you practiced waiting two or three minutes to respond? What if you actually noticed how much time and artistry you waste when you protect yourself from doing the real work by checking your email 50 times a day? How much wisdom would develop and how much ego would go away?
Leadership Practices:
- Keep a journal for one week. Record all the times you attack, indulge and ignore.
- Practice experiencing your resistance. Actually tell yourself to just sit with the situation for a few minutes. Write down your experience.
- Ask a friend or colleague to point out when you react to something. I.e. have them tell you when you attack, indulge or ignore. Make sure not to attack them in the process.
- Look for the wisdom in the immediate situation. I.e. ask yourself “In this situation, what is there for me to learn and to teach?”
Leadership isn’t something you’re born with or without. It’s a calling. You’re more than qualified to accept it.
Happy Lizard Brains,
-Coach Preston
