How many times have you heard a business colleague, friend or neighbor say “I am so stressed out”? Or perhaps “I sure hope things get better”. And one of my favorites, “I’m trying like heck to make things work”. We’ve heard those statements time and again. We’ve also most likely used them ourselves.
Here’s the “Three Dollar Question”: How often do those statements prove to be effective in moving your businesses or life forward?
In my opinion, not much. Sharing that I’m “stressed” out perhaps buys some sympathy. Sharing that I “hope” things will get better will sometimes garner some support. Letting others know I’m “trying” might have some of them fooled into thinking I’m actually working.
Consider that the words we use, or our language, are the greatest determining factor in our ability to create success or create misery. We describe our world, we see our world and we interact with our world through words, or our language. When we speak, we bring actions, things and people into existence. For example, if I were to say to someone, “I sure would like to go to dinner with my wife Natalie”, going to dinner with Natalie will not happen until I speak those words.
Now how do you think this concept applies to your business, career or life? Let’s find out.
I’m going to provide 11 words with possible definitions that, in the world of coaching, are considered “dirty words.” Write them down and keep track of how frequently you use these words over the course of one week and then record the consequences of using them. To be clear, the word “consequence” does not mean “bad.” There are consequences to EVERYTHING we do, both positive and negative.
Here we go…
1) WHY – automatic, past based response
2) LUCKY – fortunate, favored by circumstances; not responsible
3) HONEST – feeling from fear and self defense
4) TRUTH – whose truth?
5) HOMEWORK – people either try to do it perfectly to please, wait until last minute or avoid altogether
6) DON’T / STOP – automatic response – e.g. “You’re not the boss of me.”
7) HELP – implies weakness and need – resentment is imminent
TRY – making an effort to achieve – there is no commitment and there is always a fall back position; “Well, I tried.”
9) HOPE – external, based on outside circumstances, forces and people
10) STRESS / PRESSURE – internal conversation, based on outside circumstances, forces and people
11) THE ANSWER – implies there is only one “right” answer
Instead of using the above, consider using the following replacements…
1) WHAT – “What can I do to move forward?”
2) RESPONSIBLE – “I created this outcome because I was responsible.”
3) COURAGE – “I have the courage to move forward.”
4) OPINION – “This is my opinion, it’s not the truth.”
5) ACTION – “Here is the action I will take to move forward.”
6) CAUSE – “I am at cause for producing these results.”
7) SUPPORT – “Would you support me in this project?”
BE – “I will be responsible”, or “I will be a leader.”
9) CREATE – “I will create the job of my dreams.”
10) ENERGY – “I feel tremendous energy in this situation.”
11) POSSIBILITY – “Here is one possibility.”
After tracking you’re speaking for one week, take a look at what’s occurred in your business, your career search or your life. Where have things worked out? Where have things not worked out? In which areas of your business, career or life will you now be courageous and take action? In what areas would you like support?
Have some fun with this. Get your tongue all twisted up. Stop hoping and start creating. Stop trying and start being. Stop asking why and start asking what. Stop telling everyone you have the answer and start sharing possibilities.
You’ve probably heard the old cliché, “You are what you eat?” It’s funny how accurate that might actually be. The only thing I might change is “We are what we speak.”
Happy Communicating,
-Preston
Your writing brings to light that which we are so passive about. We forget the phrase, “think before you speak” when we express ourselves. What we need to remember, too, is that “what we do speak is what we do think”. As a result, this is what we program our brains to know, which projects our attitudes and drives our actions.
The book, WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU TALK TO YOUR SELF by Shad Helmstetter, PHD, provides insight and reasoning behind the power of self-talk, both positive and negative. My biggest take away is that our brains do not know what is good and what is bad when we input data. Like a computer, it only takes in information and the results of the input come out. As they say, “garbage in, garbage out”.
Thanks for some specific words to pay attention to, as well as, words to utilize and/or increase frequency of use. Good Stuff!!
(MGI)